Letters to Nobody
by shinkou no uta
Summary: Love continues on after death but so do the other passions - hate, want, regret. People are never single-faceted and the flowergirl bares her darkness thrown in sight by her dazzling smile. Aeris x Cloud


Hi everyone! I managed to drag myself out of my little hiding place and force myself to write this. Actually, I got inspired by David Cook's Permanent. At first, I wanted the fic to revolve around the song but I couldn't fit all my ideas to it so I branched out at the end. Needless to say, I'm qute happy with how this turned out.

Getting the idea is one thing, writing is another. I spent 3 weeks writing this because I had to stop everytime I get the lazy bug. I need someone to remind me to continue writing. Anyone up for the challenge?

Enjoy!

Hey there, how are you holding up? Silly of me to ask.

I know it's been harder on you than anyone else. I'm sorry for that. I have to admit though, it does give me that tingly feeling in my limbs, kind of how you used to make me feel during our brief interlude in life.

I know you've been in hell every single day since I died. Pity your mind couldn't protect you the way it did when Zack gave his life for you. There's this guilt in me, not because I lied to you about returning, but because I find some sort of joy in your pain knowing that you care for me. It was I who you chose to remember, to relive every second of that dying moment forever imprinted beneath your skin despite the pinpricks of pain they leave every time. If I could, I would bear all those hurts but all I could do is watch from the other side of this looking glass.

I saw the flowers on your desk, by the way. They're lovely but really, you didn't have to tack them on your wall. Tifa's going to have a field day cleaning the pollen when they're dried up.

The world's still spinning but things haven't exactly been falling in place for you. Hold on for a little while longer, okay? The worst is over now. I don't expect the recovery to be easy but you can do it. When things get a little bit too much to handle, it's okay to cry. You've only cried once and once is never nearly enough. Give me a call and I'll send over a quick drizzle. I know you love the rain; I've seen it on your face when you stood at the top of the ruins of Midgar and bathed in the drops of the afternoon. It works well too since you don't have to come by the church and water my flowers on a rainy day. I'd rather you take a breather sometimes – you're always on the move, as if afraid of something catching up on you. No matter what, you still come everyday though.

I'm sorry for the one promise I wasn't able to keep. I really did want to come back. But lineage and inherent duties can't be damned for so long, not when they're engrained in every fiber of my being. Cetra blood can be a nuisance sometimes, don't you think?

I caught you again talking to no one while tending to the church lilies. You took it to heart that wherever you are, you're not alone, didn't you? I'm giddy with happiness knowing that you tell me much more than you let the living know. Maybe it's because there's no face to anwer with prejudice and emotion or because talking to me feels like talking to yourself. But you know better than think that your precious words have fallen on deaf ears, don't you? I know you could hear my voice if you strain hard enough…

Want to know a secret? I miss living. Sure, I still sport the same smile I did in life but the absence of flower scents disconcerts me. It's not that there's no sense or feeling here. On the contrary, there's too much, so much that feeling and touching is the same as seeing, breathing. I miss the smell of history in my old church, the feeling of a petal's velvety smoothness on my skin. I miss the sound of a child's laughter ghosting over me, the crackle of fire that reminds me of life more than anything else. I miss the curtain of darkness, the taste of forbidden – everything. But what I miss most of all is the sight of sun-kissed hair and oh, those ocean eyes to drown in.

I never really got around to telling you this due to my abrupt departure. God knows I've tried but the blood choked the words. I doubt you'd enjoy my blood spraying on your face with all the f's and h's that I'm going to say. Here goes.

I'm glad to have been able to have you in my life. I don't think my end would have been changed if I didn't meet you. I'm glad that you and all the others were there to make my sacrifice worth it.

This has gone on far too long and I don't think there's more to be said. Words only fail to deliver so I leave it to your heart to understand. Don't go around worrying about me too much – there's not much that can happen to the conscious dead except the dawning of loneliness but Mother and Zack have made sure that won't happen. I only wish you keep me at the edge of your memory, no longer a hindrance to the present but never truly forgotten.

I think what I'm truly trying to say is, thank you.

For everything.


End file.
